What makes a man
In Hariru's June 1st blog, we will delve into the intricate relationship between masculinity and its profound impact on men's mental health.
Welcome back to HARIRU.
In recognition of Men’s Mental Health Month, I aim to confront a topic that often remains shrouded in stigma and misunderstanding. It is crucial to understand the societal scrutiny and pressures that characterize this conversation. Historically, traditional masculinity has been closely linked with ideals of unwavering strength, dominance, and stoicism. These ideals contribute to a phenomenon known as toxic masculinity, which manifests through harmful beliefs and behaviours that arise from rigid masculine stereotypes. Toxic masculinity discourages men from expressing a full spectrum of human emotions, including vulnerability, sensitivity, and fear, creating a damaging cycle that isolates men from their true selves and each other.
The subject of mental health—encompassing emotional, psychological, and social well-being—has often been marginally addressed for men due to the pervasive influence of toxic masculinity. This marginalization has dire consequences: men are at a heightened risk for emotional distress, leading to increased aggression, substance abuse, profound loneliness, and alarmingly high suicide rates. Such outcomes reflect a pressing need for a more open and constructive discussion about mental health among men.
Recently, I had the honour of meeting two remarkable individuals, Erick and Gabe, who played pivotal roles in helping me embrace and express vulnerability during some of my most challenging moments—something that I had long found difficult to do. Growing up, the belief that I had to constantly project strength was deeply ingrained in me by societal norms and expectations. Throughout my high school years, I encountered a range of adversities—experiences that no child should encounter. During those formative years, it was common for male role models to reinforce the idea of "manning up," implying that expressing emotions was a sign of weakness. Unfortunately, this societal pressure led me to bury my emotions, creating a disconnect between my internal struggles and my outward persona.
I've often found myself questioning how other men feel about the topic, specifically, fathers. Recently, I've built a bond with two amazing people, Tyler and Chelsey Josey. I was able to interview Tyler about his views. When asked what masculinity means to him, he said that at this point in his life, providing for his family defines his masculinity. I then got to ask him if he felt like he had to conform to the standards of toxic masculinity in the past, to which he said no because he's always been the type of man to lead. Next came the discussion of fatherhood, as someone who wants kids in the future, I want to receive advice from the types of fathers I want to be like. Tyler said that when raising boys, he wants to allow his sons to express themselves in whatever way they need to, and by fostering a nurturing environment, he wants to give them enough space to learn on their own, while always being close enough to pick them up when they fall.
Acknowledging and actively discussing mental health is crucial for dismantling the harmful barriers constructed by toxic masculinity. By fostering a healthier and more open dialogue, we can encourage men to share their experiences, seek help when needed, and ultimately cultivate a supportive community that values emotional well-being as essential to overall health.
Sincerely, Khalil <3